Apr 29 2010
Did you hear that idiot?? My list of VHF procedural peeves
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There are some folks whose conversations on VHF channel 16 are quite entertaining. Most of us know that #16 is for hailing and emergencies only, but that does not seem to be the universal 
rule, or at least not universally embraced. In fact, in some parts of the world – I’m thinking BVI – you make dinner reservations on #16, order provisions and talk about your hangover. But eating and drinking are the main entertainment in those parts, so it makes sense that these topics are high on the list of radio blather.
We run a little tighter ship – no inference concerning drinking – in these parts.
But not tight enough – here are some of the things that done frequently enough get me to turn my radio down, sometimes down until I hear a click.
1. Somewhere, some newbie heard a MAYDAY call. Mayday, mayday, mayday. And they thought that sounded good, so every time they hail someone, they say the call sign three times: Sailing Yacht Phucifino, Sailing Yacht Phucifion, Sailing Yacht Phucifino and follow it with, this is the Motor Vessel Xnay on the Ifeway, Xnay ….
Even though the Coast Guard has adopted the 3X call, you don’t have to do it. Key the mike, pause, speak directly into the mike, speak slowly, speak clearly and if Xnay is out there, he’ll respond. If he’s not in range, he won’t answer no matter how many times you say his name.
2. Unless you’re sailing or motoring a boat with 18 wheels, please do not precede your call with, “Xnay, do you got your ears on?” Also refrain from using “10-4″, “your 20″ or anything else you learned from Smokey and the Bandit. Thankfully, no one living north of the 28th parallel says Good Buddy any more.
3. Radio checks. We know we’re not supposed to do those on #16, but anyone who has tried to hail a harbormaster or the CG on any other frequency other than #16 has come up empty. So, when some boater feels lonely and wants to make sure he can still reach Houston, when that fellow asks for a radio check, please respond as fast as you can: “Loud and Clear.”
I find the CG admonitions about taking that chatter elsewhere particularly irritating.
4. Well, I’m going to save the rest of mine. They get pretty nit-picky. If you’ve got some idiots to put on the pad, make yourself at home in the comments below.
The official list of channels, who uses them and what for.
The only time I want to hear another boats name three times should be when the boat is named Beatlejuice.
I agree that 16 can get a little annoying but surely the Captain isn’t suggesting that we turn off our VHF radios. What we all can do is learn from these blathering bozo’s. Be clear and be concise, if you’re hailing another vessel keep it short and switch your traffic to the proper working frequency.
I think one of the best people to learn VHF etiquette from is Captain Paul Amaral from Vessel Assist Ventura – Channel Watch Marine
http://www.oceanrescue.tv/audio.php
listen to some of these rescues and you’ll learn very quickly how to conduct yourself on the radio…and not sound like a blathering bozo.